Sasha here this fine Sunday! It’s fine because I finally get to write to you. There’s been something on my mind.
You remember that our little Charlotte crossed the Rainbow Bridge last year. Vanessa and the Young One then rescued “Aloha”.
I tell you, I would rather tell that dog “Good-bye” than “Hello”. That puppy needs some training! But what does Cesar say?
“I train humans.”
It’s not Aloha’s fault that she’s a pain in the neck. It’s Vanessa’s. Aloha can’t help but pick up on Vanessa’s lack of home training.
For example, I haven’t checked in for awhile. Vanessa has been hogging her laptop with her “Atlanta project” so not only has she not been here, but neither have I.
If she says “Atlanta” one more time, I’m going to “accidentally” stretch out my back left leg while she’s walking by. I never said she could go to Atlanta!
I also never said she could go to Albuquerque…and guess who went to visit the rescued kitten…
…that is now a full-grown cat?
It could snow in Albuquerque and my Daddy tried to tell Vanessa that I love snow…
…even when I don’t look like it. Vanessa still didn’t take me with her. The nerve!
Vanessa also left me at her house when she drove my Daddy around the block to check out her car.
How dare she take out my Daddy without ME…
…or my permission. The old hag!
Dear FFF, please, PLEASE be sure to properly train your humans. There is nothing worse than a human with bad manners.
To keep our humans properly trained, I recommend the following tips:
- Display your leadership. Sit on the humans whenever possible. You can pull this off under the guise of love, as I did. Fatigue also works. Either way, sit you must.
- Display your loyalty. Vanessa bought me this fetching raincoat FOUR YEARS ago. Even when humans are fickle, dogs never are.
- Display your cuddleability. Vanessa spends too much time keeping people at arms length. I prefer to extend invitations for a quick cuddly snooze.
- Display your fun side. Dress up! Live a little! Stop being so serious about everything!
- Get along with the pack. Aloha REALLY needs Vanessa to learn this step. That dog barked at me nonstop when I took my Daddy to Vanessa’s house last week. I finally had to give a “Shut the heck up” bark to make it stop. If Vanessa knew how to get along with the pack, Aloha would, too. Then I’d be able to devour Aloha’s backyard toys and kibble at my leisure, without all of the auditory fuss.
Dear FFF, the ball is now in your court.
STOP!!! Don’t try to chase the ball!! It was figurative – not literal.
Go, train your humans. Let’s make this world a better place.