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Sundays With Sasha: Human Training Tips

Hi FFF,

Sasha here this fine Sunday! It’s fine because I finally get to write to you. There’s been something on my mind.

You remember that our little Charlotte crossed the Rainbow Bridge last year. Vanessa and the Young One then rescued “Aloha”.

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I tell you, I would rather tell that dog “Good-bye” than “Hello”. That puppy needs some training! But what does Cesar say?

“I train humans.”

It’s not Aloha’s fault that she’s a pain in the neck. It’s Vanessa’s. Aloha can’t help but pick up on Vanessa’s lack of home training.

For example,  I haven’t checked in for awhile. Vanessa has been hogging her laptop with her “Atlanta project” so not only has she not been here, but neither have I.

If she says “Atlanta” one more time, I’m going to “accidentally” stretch out my back left leg while she’s walking by. I never said she could go to Atlanta!

I also never said she could go to Albuquerque…and guess who went to visit the rescued kitten

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…that is now a full-grown cat?

It could snow in Albuquerque and my Daddy tried to tell Vanessa that I love snow…

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…even when I don’t look like it. Vanessa still didn’t take me with her. The nerve!

Vanessa also left me at her house when she drove my Daddy around the block to check out her car.

How dare she take out my Daddy without ME…

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…or my permission. The old hag!

Hmpfh!

Dear FFF, please, PLEASE be sure to properly train your humans. There is nothing worse than a human with bad manners.

To keep our humans properly trained, I recommend the following tips:

  1. Display your leadership. Sit on the humans whenever possible. You can pull this off under the guise of love, as I did. Fatigue also works. Either way, sit you must.img_4463
  2. Display your loyalty. Vanessa bought me this fetching raincoat FOUR YEARS ago. Even when humans are fickle, dogs never are.img_5082_2
  3. Display your cuddleability. Vanessa spends too much time keeping people at arms length. I prefer to extend invitations for a quick cuddly snooze. pedi
  4. Display your fun side. Dress up! Live a little! Stop being so serious about everything!img_5086
  5. Get along with the pack. Aloha REALLY needs Vanessa to learn this step. That dog barked at me nonstop when I took my Daddy to Vanessa’s house last week. I finally had to give a “Shut the heck up” bark to make it stop. If Vanessa knew how to get along with the pack, Aloha would, too. Then I’d be able to devour Aloha’s backyard toys and kibble at my leisure, without all of the auditory fuss.work

Dear FFF, the ball is now in your court.

STOP!!! Don’t try to chase the ball!! It was figurative – not literal.

Go, train your humans. Let’s make this world a better place.

xoxo,

Sasha

 
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Posted by on January 8, 2017 in Sasha Speaks, Sundays with Sasha

 

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Wordless Wednesday

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Posted by on December 28, 2016 in Wordless Wednesday

 

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Odd Questions and Referrals

My life has two main themes: odd questions and referrals.

Odd Questions
Just when I think I have some things in life figured out, I am proven wrong. Not that there’s anything wrong with being wrong. I would just sometimes like to know what is going on.

For example, this keyboard that is on the wall of the technology room where I subbed last week.15181205_1943485609212387_1711180737341884930_n
Is it helpful for the students, or is it confusing? Does it make them hungry? Since it was on the wall to the left of the desks, do the kids leave class with stiff necks if they need to look at it while they’re typing? Did the lunchroom donate all the Styrofoam containers, or was this one of those expenses that teachers “eat” themselves? (Aha! Pun intended!)

Another thing…how DOES Tempe Town Lake stay full? Does the dam overflow when the rains come? What would happen to the fish if one of those walls broke? Why isn’t the length of the lake the full length of the reservoir instead of having an abrupt stop at that wall? Why is the lake up so high?15230703_1947211985506416_948930378205106319_nI watched the wall for a while but just couldn’t answer my own questions. There were people walking over the bridge and I wondered if they thought the water was so beautiful (I’m sure they did), and did they realize the lake “ended” in about 100ft or so?

And how come I’m not good with distance? IS that 100ft?

Referrals
Finally, a referral. I’ve recently added Sci-fi to my reading list because Jamie over at polybiius.wordpress.com has me hooked on THE best story ever! Go check out his latest post about The Cadaver. I just can’t wait to see if/how the robot comes back to life!

Another referral: The Antiques series by Barbara Allan. Best of all is that “Barbara Allan” is actually two people. They’re mysteries, and they’re wonderful.

I better go…and you better get over to Jamie’s blog! At least his posts aren’t odd ramblings and DO make sense!

 
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Posted by on November 28, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Sundays With Sasha 11/27/16

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Grrrzzz snizzle pfft. Go back to bed!

 
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Posted by on November 27, 2016 in Sasha Speaks, Sundays with Sasha

 

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Wordless Wednesday

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Posted by on November 16, 2016 in Family, Love

 

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The “F” Word

Yesterday was a Kindergarten subbing day.

Hint: Never sub kindergarten during the first three months of school. As this critical timeline has passed, I knew it would be safe to sub and not be too draining of a day.

The day would be a walk in the park! I’d be tiptoeing through the tulips…

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…or dancing around dandelions.

Boy, was I wrong about that!

A. Because they had a sub?
B. Because there was a full moon?
C. Because they’re still eating leftover Halloween candy for breakfast?
D. Because they’re 5-6 years old?
E. All of the above?

I know not what the issue was, but they were a bunch of little booger eating wiggle worms.

ALL. DAY. LONG.

They can’t eat boogers today. The letter of the day is “F”, not “B”. I wonder how I can work that into my kindergarten level lesson. 

It was then I remembered the 21st century teacher’s guide to classroom management: don’t correct…redirect!

“Class, class!”

“Yes, yes!”

“Today, we’re learning about the letter ‘F’. ‘F’ is for ‘fish’. Ffff, ffff, ffff.”

“Fffffffffffffffffff.”

“Yes, just like that.”

We looked around the classroom for words that because with “f”. We found fish, find, fly, four, and five.”

A few smarty pants-es let us know that “fourteen” and “fifteen” also begin with “f”.

Little “Billy” was VERY into his search.

“Ms. Agee! I know an ‘f’ word! How about ‘French’?”

It was like that for three hours straight. I already couldn’t get the kid to sit down. Aside from his regular need to “get the wiggles out”, Billy ran over to me every fffffffflipping time he thought of a new ‘f’ word.

Around about 2:30 when we ALL knew the day was almost done and we were working on some fffffffun math…

“Ms. Agee!”

“Yes, Billy.”

(Sticking up his middle fffffinger at me) “I know!!!! The ‘f’ word! The ‘f’ word starts with ‘f’.”

“Er, um, yes. But we won’t use that here.”

(Johnny looking at Billy like he’s crazy) “Billy, that’s a bad word.”

“Ya, but it starts with ‘f’. The other bad words don’t, like the ‘b’ word or the ‘d’ word or the ‘r’ word or the ‘c’ word.”

Mother of mercy! The C word? I hope he means “crap”!

Alas, I redirected again. “C” also stands for “Centers” and rather than ccccccontinuing to work on math, I gave up and let them have learning “play” ffffffun the rest of the day.

I sat in the absent teacher’s chair, eyes bugged out as I watched little Billy work the room.

Earlier, Billy said his fffffffoster parents packed him a snack for recess. I said a little prayer for Billy, that his life would be fffffffful of happy words and not bad words.

I also said a little prayer ffffffor me – I ffffffelt like I needed to wash my ears out with soap!

Ah, kindergarteners and ffffffffull moons. Gotta love it!

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2016 in The Sub Files

 

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Sundays with Sasha

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I told Vanessa that I wasn’t going to get up until she started blogging again. It worked! That’s The Power of the Pittie.

{We’re going to bottle and sell The Power of the Pittie. It’s nudge is strong, it’s tongue is fiercely happy, and it’s persuasion-of-the-lap-dog is powerful. Call and order now…}

 

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2016 in Sasha Speaks, Sundays with Sasha

 

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